psychologist Robert Sternberg. The theory characterizes love within
the context of interpersonal relationships by three different
components:
1. Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of closeness, connectedness,
and bondedness.
2. Passion – Which encompasses drives that lead to romance, physical
attraction, and sexual consummation.
3. Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to
remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and
plans made with that other.
The "amount" of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength
of these three components; the "type" of love one experiences depends
on their strengths relative to each other. Different stages and types
of love can be explained as different combinations of these three
elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes
over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship
based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on
two or all three.
Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment
The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a
triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce
and with the actions that produce them so as to form seven different
kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of
the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger
the triangle the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions
to represent the "type" of love, which may vary over the course of the
relationship:
• Nonlove is the absence of all three of Sternberg's components of love.
• Liking/friendship in this case is not used in a trivial sense.
Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true
friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a
closeness with another but not intense passion or long-term
commitment.
• Infatuated love is pure passion. Romantic relationships often start
out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops
over time. However, without developing intimacy or commitment,
infatuated love may disappear suddenly.
• Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or
passion. Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love. In
cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often
begin as empty love and develop into one of the other forms with the
passing of time.[citation needed]
• Romantic love bonds individuals emotionally through intimacy and
physically through passionate arousal.
• Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that
is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term
commitment. Sexual or physical desire is not an element of
companionate love. This type of love is often found in marriages in
which the passion has gone out of the relationship but a deep
affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between
family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between
close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.
• Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and
marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion without
the stabilizing influence of intimacy.
• Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal
relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of
love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the
"perfect couple". According to Sternberg, such couples will continue
to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they
cannot imagine themselves happy over the long term with anyone else,
they weather their few storms gracefully, and each delight in the
relationship with one other.[1] However, Sternberg cautions that
maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He
stresses the importance of translating the components of love into
action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves
can die" (1987, p.341). Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If
passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.
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